Goodbyes. It's hard to explain what it feels like to say goodbye to a constant you've had in your life for so long. I had this thought that it'd be easy. Like ripping off a bandaid real quickly, I wouldn't feel it that much. It's only until December, I told myself, but the ache inside my heart still remained.
Standing outside, hugging someone who's become so close before she left tonight, I can't explain the emotion that came over me. It hit me like a tonne of bricks, and wouldn't stop. I cried, which if you know me, is rare. Saying goodbye to someone is never easy. It's funny, really. The fact that it was harder to say goodbye to someone I've only been friends with for a couple of years than someone who I had labeled a "best friend" since the third grade.
Hugging my best friend since fifth grade only made it all the more real. I'm going to miss them. I'm going to miss the talks, the late night drives and singing along to Taylor Swift. I'll miss going to Denny's at 11:30 after finishing work, and gossiping about colleagues. I'll miss dancing all night and drinking so much that I don't really remember what it was I found so hilarious the night before. I'm not sure I could ever replace those people, but that's not the point, is it? You can't replace memories, or people. I'll be back in December, but it just seems like such a long time from now.
I might make friends, meet new people. Maybe I'll find my perfect companion, but something inside of me will always pull me home. Back to the people who know me; back to the people who understood that I had to leave to find my new adventure.
Here I am, at 2 in the morning, tears still streaming down my face as I write this. I'm going to miss my friends, no matter how much I try and convince myself this will be a great adventure for me. No matter how much I try and tell myself I'll learn a lot, and I'll grow so much. My only wish is that I could bring them with me; hide them in my suitcase and tuck them underneath my bed. It's hard making new friends, explaining your past and getting them to figure out why you are the way that you are. I've spent twenty-one years doing that with these people.
Now the idea of having to do it all over again scares the hell out of me. But that's the point isn't it? Starting new? It's always the scary things that are the most worthwhile.