30 August 2013

New Paths, Different Dreams

Yesterday I was getting my hair cut at the same salon I've gone to for the last four years, with the same stylist I usually go to. When I mentioned about getting ready to move across the country, she asked me about my acting. More specifically: Had I given it up? I really thought about this, because honestly, the amount of times I've been plagued with this question has been overwhelming.

I'll be taking political science in school, and I haven't registered for any theatre classes. I've got a film studies class, but other than that, nothing's really in the same genre.

To be honest, nothing could make me give up on it. Acting is something I wake up thinking about, get reminded of throughout the day and go to bed dreaming about being able to do as a job. It's a part of my life; it's a part of me. I've never really understood the idea of having it one way or the other. Can I not experience university and also pursue another dream? There's breaks, there's weekends, there's courses outside of the campus. I write, I watch, I study. Just because I'm not doing it in the "typical" way, and I might not have the same time to dedicate to it, but I still want it.

But then, is that running away? Am I avoiding the opportunity to succeed - and in the same way, fail - by going after something else before finishing my first dream? I want to be the type of person that can say with all certainty, that I've followed my dreams without hesitation. And if I fail, I fail, but it's not because I didn't have the guts to go after it.

Sometimes I tell myself in a few months, I'll go work harder for it. If I tweak something here, or work on something there, I'll have a better shot. Maybe I just need to stop making up excuses, or maybe I just need some time. Perhaps time at school will give me the thing I'm looking for. I don't even know what I'm looking for. But then maybe that's just making up even more excuses for myself.

So ask me again if I'm giving up on acting... the answer is no. You don't give up on the thing you can't go a day without thinking about. Maybe it's on the back burner right now. Maybe I need to find my drive for it again. But don't take this the wrong way, I haven't forgotten about acting and I won't be forgetting about that path. What an impossible thought, really.

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